what is the long term goal?

I’m not a full time artist, I'm not a good content creator, I’m learning how to do marketing but it’s hard to market yourself. It’s tricky to figure out which platforms or tools are worth spending money on, which you will actually use. So for now, pretty much everything is done manually, by hand, in spreadsheets and sticky notes, and google drive folders. It’s just me and my systems that may or may not work. 

I’m not sure what I want long-term, but I know I want to keep making art. I want to keep trying new things with my art. Making apparel or totes, magnets, ornaments, whatever tickles my fancy. I want to learn ceramics, I want to try collaging, block printing, and revisit gouache and watercolor more often. I still don’t want to do oils though, I’m good there. I think I’d always rather pass on that despite it being taken so seriously by the big guns in the industry. I want to do more murals, do signage, drive lifts to the second story of a building to put my art on the exterior. I have so many big dreams and big desires. 

But do I want to pursue art full time? I’m not sure. My algorithm is full of people who seemingly “made it.” They went viral for something and it led to long-term success and the ability to make art full time. To have collections sell out, to make monthly subscriptions for followers and have something to offer that they actually want. Do I want that? Yeah, I do. But I also have a deep desire for stability. And dropping a full time job to pursue full time art doesn’t feel possible right now. That feels unrealistic and incredibly unstable. But a part of me wants it. 

I’ve been struggling this year to figure out what I want this to look like. I had my first ever gallery show in the spring, and it was incredible. I’m so unbelievably proud of the dedication and effort I put in to complete all the pieces I did. I saw my skill grow throughout the nine months of daily work. And then I was disappointed. Not because I wasn’t proud of everything I did, but because despite my show being up for 3 months, I only sold 4 pieces. I spent so long pouring so much of myself into the show and now most of the pieces are just sitting in the corner, and I’m not sure what to do. 

I can tear myself up about what went wrong or what to try instead, but it feels like a waste. I want to hold on to being proud of myself and my work. And I am. I am so proud. I got a sketchbook and planned everything. I revisited paintings from the beginning of the process, repainted entire sections, made them something I could be proud of accomplishing, and excited to show. I remain so happy that it happened. So excited that I was given a chance. And I want more of that. 

I want another gallery show, I want more people to see what I do, to see the large scale pieces I dedicated a year of my life to thinking about and executing. I want these pieces to be out there, in galleries, in the homes of strangers who feel impacted by the work I do. I want to talk to people, explain the pieces, tell the stories of them all. 

Did you know they’re all real places? With real experiences? Did you know that? Do you want to hear about it? Can I walk you through it all? I would love that.

And not because I want the attention and the centering, but because the art that I make is so important to me. The places and the people that my paintings are about are beautiful and life changing. I want people to connect, to see a place they know or have heard of. To see it represented by the stories I am connected to, so maybe they can feel more connected too. I want them to see a painting, know the story, and say “oh that makes me think of so and so” and feel like they are a part of the story too. I want them to take a painting home, know the story, and pass it on to their friends and family who come over. To have the story of the painting outlive us all. I want that connection to be ongoing. I want someone’s kids to grow up knowing about a distant place and wanting to go visit it themselves so that they can add their story to the collage of connections. 

So does that mean I want to be a full time artist? I have no idea, but I want to make an impact regardless. I want to make connections, and find joy and some version of success with this. I want to create art in the joy and the pain, in the excess and the lack.